goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
