Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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