I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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