I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
