Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
