i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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