shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
