i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
