You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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