I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
