so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
