we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
