Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
