who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize