I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
