my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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