It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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