So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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