Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
