If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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