My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
