i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
