Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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