I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
