drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
