My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
