that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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