I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
