He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
