Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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