You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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