i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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