I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
