Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
