So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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