I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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