I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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