Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
