I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
