There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
