Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
