I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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