GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
