i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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