I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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