i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
