I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
