About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.