I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.