I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.