Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.