I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize