This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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