she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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