Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
