I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
