is your mom at the bar?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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