I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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