the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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