Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just took my morning after pill in the library
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
third nipple confirmed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
