I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
