Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
In America we eat man semen.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
