Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
