I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
