don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
