I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
