Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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