i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The best revenge is premature balding
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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