I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
